What parents really need
As a doula, I often hear mothers, mothers-in-law, aunties, godmommas, and other women that moms look to say things like, “When I had my babies, I…”
Sometimes it’s meant to share wisdom, but often it opens the door to comparison. For a new parent, those words can feel heavy, sparking questions like, “Am I doing enough? Am I doing it right?”
My role, as a doula, is to support the whole family, including the voices of loved ones. When I hear comments like this, I honor the experience being shared while also remembering the context in which those choices were made.
Parenting isn’t about being perfectly right or wrong. There’s no universal measure for parental success. Still, certain values such as safety, respect, empathy, and consistency remain essential, even if families live them out differently. And yes, we know some practices, like putting cereal in a newborn’s bottle, aren’t recommended today. Saying “My child turned out fine” doesn’t always tell the full story, especially as health challenges like obesity and diabetes have increased over time.
The point isn’t to blame or argue. It’s important to remember that every generation does the best it can with what it knows. When offering advice, let’s ask: Will these words support or shame? Parents don’t need comparison; they need encouragement. And doing the best you can, right where you are, really is enough.
